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Mar 24, You flourished in some areas with very little direction from us, but still I wonder often, 'Who Again, I ask, 'Who cries for the little Black gay boy?.
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But for what it's worth no one taught us how to be. Nevertheless, I have to admit, you've made me very proud. You've marched boldly through the world, at times, holding the door open for some of us to step through and out of that closet. You flourished in some areas with very little direction from us, but still I wonder often, 'Who cries for the little Black gay boy?

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See, the generation that came before me taught me how to sneak, cheat, hide and lie about who I was so it was impossible for me to take you by the hand and show you the way, or even be there for you when your very own family turned their backs on you. Still, you've somehow managed to live unabashed in the light. Perhaps, you took notes from watching some of us cower in that same closet, which you've refused to dwell in.

I want to break this cycle of silence and so again I ask, 'Who cries for the little Black gay boy? We should have taken you under our wing and taught you that being gay is more than sex or being well dressed and well spoken, that it's a responsibility. Instead, we allowed your well defined body to distract us and we became more focused on trying to lure you into our bed. We used you for sex to feed our egos; all for the sake of pacifying our fear of growing old alone.


We should've taken the time to show you what it really means to be Black, gay and proud because it isn't simply going to clubs during gay pride weekend in various cities across this country. But we were too worried about getting older and concerned with staying young, and looking young rather than teaching you the things you really need to know about sex. And because we failed you, you resort to using half naked and naked pictures of yourself on social media to gain likes and followers because we didn't step in sooner to whisper in your ear, 'This may come back to haunt you someday.

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We neglected to tell you that there's an art to love and it begins with friendship, not sex. Consequently, you have sex with hopes of finding love, and for fun even, because we've convinced you that people no longer die from complications from AIDS because the medicine is better now. We've even fooled you into believing that Prep is a cure or vaccine for HIV so you've become even more carefree and boastful about having raw, casual sex.

Shame on us and shame on you for not doing better. The consequence of us standing by, watching and saying nothing has resulted in far too many little Black gay boys living with the reality of being HIV positive; and moving through the world feeling empty and loveless.

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What I know for sure is that it isn't too late because it's never too late to be better or for me to say, 'I love you. Be safe and keep loving yourself Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.

Multiple Exposure, dark skinned male, looking down. March 3, , 5: Years ago, there was a story about two young black boys who committed suicide within the same month. And I know what it's like to be taunted when people have suspicions about you not being hard enough or they're assuming that you are gay. So that was kind of like the start of it. And I wrote a piece. And I had already come out to myself and my friends, which, honestly, was more important to me at And then I told my mom finally, after the piece got a lot of attraction, at But even now, I just think, for me, I don't necessarily see myself.

I don't hear myself. And as a gay black writer, I need to lend my voice to something. That just was the driving force. So let's talk about the piece, for people who have not had a chance to read it yet. You write that this started - your fear started well before you came out - and it was connected to the way your parents responded to gay people in your family.

Why don't you pick it up from there. And while he was a drug addict, he was also a gay man, which is the more likely culprit behind his death. And for me, my father - his reaction was very much, like, you know - his brother was a faggot. My mom did not - it was many years later that she had acknowledged that he was actually gay. But, I mean, with the use of that word - that's how I learned what it meant to be gay.

And, you know, when you're six - and I don't really remember much about the funeral, but I remember seeing him in a casket. I remember crying and I just remember, like, a lot of anger and shame around it. And for me, that always stuck with me. And as a gay man even now - I just entered I've seen people die of AIDS. So AIDS has always been, like, in the back of my mind. It's been hard not to - not think about it sometimes.

So think that you kind of all locked into this idea that being gay meant being sick? Is that what you think it meant? Obviously, I'm not my parents. I'm not 60 years old. But sex can still lead to death if you're not very cautious. And this is especially true for a lot of gay and black Latino men.

It's hard not to think about it, because it's always around you, even if no one says it. You can't help, but - you know, people drop off like flies every so often. I still see that on Facebook. So it's always there, but I'm learning not to let that control me and how I pleasure myself. Well, but, you know - but the fact is that that is the argument that many people who are hostile to same-sex relationships, particularly same-sex relationships involving men - that's the argument that they've made.

It's that this is how you know this is wrong, right? Because people get sick and die. That is one of the political arguments that's been made against advancing the rights of LGBT people. Do you think that's the part of it that you heard? Or do you think it's more like a visceral - people you saw around you? What do you think? I don't really particularly care anymore - and haven't for a while - about what other people thought about me being a gay man.

Because, I mean, by now, most people know you can easily die from being straight.

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And I think, even with respect to a lot of the young gay black and Latino men dying now, that's more about people not necessarily being able to reach them with the resources and education that they need. And I think, frankly, a lot of people are still very ignorant about sex. You know, we're only now lowering the teen pregnancy rates. So in that respect - you know, we just don't really talk about sex.

So I'm trying to put this in a nice way, but I just generally don't care what people think, as far as that goes, like, the fodder. What's concern. It's so personal. Well, I got to be honest with you about the piece. I think that that's what struck with me is that - just what a personal pain this was to you. And it wasn't that you weren't having sexual feelings. It was that - it was something else. Bearing in mind that we have a very general, you know, audience, how you think this affected your life?

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I mean, you still sought relationships, right? How did it play itself out in your life? I'm going to keep this BG - Beyonce before partition. I'm very sexual. I am like many people, many men. You know, I have sexual desires like anyone else. I think about sex a lot. And in the piece I acknowledge, it's not that I didn't necessarily act on those emotions.

But a lot of times I would initiate something and then stop it because, again, that fear of intimacy. The fear of the consequences of my actions, it would stop me, and it would make a lot of people angry. And they had a right to be angry. But, I mean, you know, the same way - I grew up with alcoholism in the home, but I drink.

You know, sometimes I get drunk. I'm not belligerent.

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But it's kind of like the same principle. Like, sex can be dangerous, but if I protect myself and if I'm cautious, if I ask the right questions, if I'm doing what I need to do, why not enjoy it - the same way I go to happy hour. Probably might go to happy hour later. Probably might have sex later.

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